Law School Diary: My Struggle with Anxiety

One of the reasons I stay anonymous as LBB Online is not only to protect my privacy but so that I can be brutally honest and personal and hopefully help someone in the process. I am starting a 'Law School Diary' that will be updated every Monday. The topics include law school experiences, embarrassing moments, relationships, my fitness journal, and my life outside of law school. I hope you enjoy it :)



This is one of the more difficult posts for me to write because it is something that is very personal and quite honestly something that I rarely talk about. I think it is so important for others struggling with anxiety to realize that they are not alone and that there are ways to cope with it.

I have always had anxiety in the past - mostly related to big events, presentations, etc. That nervous and stressed feeling that everyone experiences at some point in their life. Well that type of anxiety is pretty common and not something to necessarily be worried about. 

When I first started law school, I had that same nervous and stressed feeling. I was scared to be starting a new experience with all new people and the thought of something going wrong terrified me. As the year went on this nervous anxiety turned kind of dark. Obviously, law school was not the only thing going on in my life and it started to catch up with me. 

I started getting really bad anxiety about half way through my first semester. I noticed myself lying awake at night, so stressed that I couldn't sleep, but there was nothing in my life to really be stressed over besides completing my homework or studying. I kept thinking to myself, why are you getting so worked up over nothing? 

I began to overthink everything. Every interaction with people, every text, every conversation. It was ,and still is, exhausting. I began to become so overwhelmed by the smallest inconveniences and it really took a toll on my well-being. 

That is when I began to workout a lot - mainly just to clear my head. It became an amazing way to just focus on myself and forget about my worries for an hour or so. To this day, it is one of the only ways I have found that relieves my anxiety. 

I continue to struggle with anxiety and although I wish I could say it has gotten better - it hasn't. I have learned how to manage it better, but this summer has been especially rough. 

I began seeing a guy that I quite honestly began to like so much, very quickly. Throughout our time together I would continually question and overthink every aspect of our "relationship." Every time that we were together was really incredible - but there was little interaction outside of the drunk weekend encounters and this drove me crazy. 

A couple of weeks ago, he called things off and it honestly blindsided me. I was so into him. I never pressured him into labeling whatever it was we had, I gave him his space, and I genuinely thought we had a good time together. I couldn't comprehend what could have possibly gone wrong. 

At the end of the day, he didn't see a future with me. It was that simple. But my mind went through every interaction we have ever had together, analyzing every conversation, every laugh, everything. I continue to wonder what I did wrong, why I feel so crazy, and what I could have done better. I realize now that this is my anxiety kicking my ass again. 

I have to continually tell myself that sometimes the answer to something is much simpler than my mind makes it out to be. Things will go wrong in life and I have to learn how to deal with that on a level that won't cause me to drown in anxiety. 

Law school is obviously a difficult time and life continues to move and change and become even more difficult through it all. I have found myself in some of the darkest places over the past year, but I continue to remind myself that things get better and I am not alone.

If you struggle with anxiety, don't feel like you have to struggle alone. Feel free to reach out to me or if you are searching for resources, I would be happy to provide you with some. Law school can be tough, but it does not need to take a toll on your mental health. There are ways to cope and ways to deal with what may seem like a dark time. 


Comments

  1. Thanks so much for posting this about your anxiety! That guy sounds like a loser and in the future you will be glad he ended things with you. You deserve to have someone take you out on dates and call you every day. Not some random drunken hookup every weekend. This is exactly what happened to me. I'm married now to someone who is proud to show me off. I know exactly how you feel. Thanks so much for posting this. I love your blog. <3

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